Insanity starts here
by Princess-Laurelin
Summary: Bellatrix is in Azkaban, who and what does she remember? Rodolphus, the Dark Lord? Read and review please. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: Still don't own Potter but I'm working on it!**

A dementor drifts past but you barely notice. You're too busy remembering. Remembering, remembering, remembering what? What are you thinking about Bella? Is it your Lord's voice? You want to hear it again, so low, so sweet, seductive, cold and passionate. It was your greatest joy to have him speak to you long ago. No, it wasn't his voice was it Bella? Perhaps his eyes then. What colour were they Bella? They were so deep, so dark, so penetrating. It felt like a window to his soul but you never saw past the red. They were red; like the sun, like the rubies hanging around your throat, like old wine, like blood. It wasn't his eyes though. Perhaps his face. So cold, like the ice in your heart and like the ice that keeps you here all through the months. No? It's not that Bella.

You pull at your sleeve, pull at the robes you fought in and killed in. You did it for him. Anything and everything for him. Would you still die for him? Of course you would so you stroke the mark on your arm. It's faded hasn't it Bella? Like the faces of your family, your friends and your allies. But some faces remain; the faces of those you tortured broke and killed. They haunt you, unseen to everybody but you. Could you still do it? Was that what you were remembering? Can you still remember? You scream.

"Imperio, Crucio, Avada Kedavra, Morsmordre." Then you scream it again, your prayer. But nobody joins in as they did once long ago. You go back to clawing at your arm, drawing blood to remind yourself that you are still alive and still fighting. Were you searching for something to live for Bella? No, you already know what you're living for. You live to torture them, their families, see their pain and have them beg for mercy. Then you'll kill them. You will make them pay. Death. Death. Death. It's who you were, are and will be again because you know he's coming back for you. You'll wipe the scum off your earth. All the mudbloods, halfbloods, blood traitors and muggles until it's only those who are worthy left. Do you still want to do that? Purity, it's what you live for even if it means killing, especially if it means killing. Of course you won't kill Andie or Sirius because Blacks are Blacks and one day they'll see.

Your arm burns but you can't go to him. Your wand is just out of your reach at the end of the corridor. Reach out. Grab it. Freedom. The bars though, they are always there. One day you'll get it back and so much more, you will be rewarded. Until then you're happy to wait and watch and think about the pain you'll cause. You laugh and cackle and scream, then retreat into the darkest corner. You still haven't answered the question Bella. What were you thinking about? It wasn't your Lord's voice, eyes or face. It wasn't the spells or your purity. Was it your sisters? Andie-did she abandon you for scum and then forget you? Yes, but she'll come back. Cissy, your beautiful blonde sister she remained loyal, pure. Shouldn't she be here with you Bella? Shouldn't Andie? The Black sisters, together again. Always pure. You once walked together the three of you like you owned the world, but now? No, it wasn't a sister you were thinking about, it was closer. More loyal, more valuable and more loved.

Didn't you have a husband once Bella? Yes. Your eyes light up and your gaunt face looks almost happy, proud even. What was his name, do you remember? Lestrange. Your first kiss, first fight, your marriage, your hopes and your sacrifice. All the girls wanted him but he was yours. Forever, he whispered into your ear sweetly as you lay together. Is he still there? Alive? You don't know so once again you scream.

"Rodolphus, Roddy, my Roddy." Nothing. Emptiness. Silence. Then out of the darkness. "Bellatrix, Bella, my Bella." A smile graces your once elegant features. A rare smile in this hell, but a smile nonetheless. For a moment you're whole again and then a dementor drifts past sensing your happiness and it leans over. It's gone again hasn't it Bella? What you were searching for I mean. Don't worry I'm still with you, here inside you forever. After all we have that long left. So go on Bella. Tell me what you were thinking about. Or don't you remember?

**Author's note: Review please or face the same torture as the Longbottoms. **


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